On making mistakes over and over again

I have this toiletry bag that has a broken zipper. I like these bag so much that even though I already have a new one, I tried to fix its zipper several times. Although I have a very little skill on sewing, I am confident that I could fix it.

So one Sunday afternoon, when I have enough time than any other afternoons, I found the bag while cleaning the room. I let my clothes to be folded to wait while I wrestle over the zipper and listening over Sam Harris ranting about free will. I absentmindedly fiddle over the poor zipper. And yes, I was able to put successfully the zipper back on its set of teeth. So the last challenge is to straighten both sides of teeth carefully not to over pull the zippers. I repeated it so many, many times to perfect both sides. I did this over Harris’ ideologies, agreeing with his ideas while trying to be skeptical too. After all, what I am listening to is about free will.

Until I did what I feared to do- I over pulled the zippers.

I was so surprised how that stupid zipper easily pulled away. How I hate myself for not concentrating on my work. It is not an easy feat after all!

And in that moment, a holy dove descended upon me, a beam of hallowed light in my head.

And a light bulb.

That was a great moment of reflection. Over the broken zipper and Harris’s blasphemous words in the background.

I began to see myself. Didn't I do it in my daily personal life, did I? Thinking that I’m on the right track I absentmindedly over pulled myself?

That when I thought I am careful enough not to commit the same mistakes I end up doing it over and over again.

Why? Is it because I am not paying much attention to what I am doing? Or is it because I let myself to be distracted?

How could I ever correct myself? Or how could I ever keep myself from doing it again?

After several tries, after the backbreaking concentration, hunching myself over the zipper but ending up over pulling it, I decided that enough is enough. I’m tired of it all. I decided to give it up.

Until a human angel come to my rescue in the form of a friend who knows a lot about sewing and zippers. When she saw my trouble, she immediately picked it up and amazingly repaired it for just a minute. She did it while I rant about how I painstakingly tried to fix it up.

Well, that made my jaw drop, shutting me up.

It made me think that we are just humans, no matter how we tried to sensationalize ourselves. And humans are bound to commit mistakes, no matter how we tried to be careful. No matter how we tried to follow the right track.

I'm on the right track!

Yes, we knew of some things. 

Like for instance, for me, I am great on breaking things.

When we wanted to be on our own, we are bound to commit mistakes. The time will come that we are going to see our mistakes and try to correct it. Some of us may do it successfully, some may not. But those who did it effectively may end up making the same mistakes over again. 

All of us have the same story. Committing mistakes over and over again. That is in every tries of fixing ourselves up.

And we end getting tired of it. That we let ourselves to be pulled by the ebbs of society, never minding where it will lead us.

That is the time when we need other people to help fix ourselves up.We can't do it alone. Never. We are too tired to straighten up after those terrible times of hunching down. 

It is also the time of finding the right and true friend. Those who would understands you and would really help you.

Life could be tiring. Indeed. But it is only for those who pursue can see its elusive beauty.